I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
