We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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