one might say we're banned from that church
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
