so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize