i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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