DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
