So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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