my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
