True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
