My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
