I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What a dumb baby whore.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize