That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
