Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize