It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
