Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
