currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
