the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
