WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
