I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
