Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
