8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
