I want to make a zoo with you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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