Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
