Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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