I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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