If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Two words: nipple clamps
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