My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
