are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
