Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
