I wannas sexs uuuuu
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
