He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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