I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
