LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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