I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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