I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My bed smells like the plague
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
