I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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