Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
