i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
