The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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