I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
