I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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