You work out of a Hotel?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So many bounce houses so little time
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
