you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
