dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
