u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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