i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
