I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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