I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
