I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
