i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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