I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
