I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
