Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
