I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
