I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
