i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Vodka?
Forever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
