My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
