This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
