I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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