He disabled his match.com account in front of me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize