There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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