I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
