I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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