Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
