If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
