The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
