in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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