i can't believe i had my finger in that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
