I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There's even glitter on my cock...
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