Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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