oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
