Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
