I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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